Price Chopper 400 Picks & Predictions
NASCAR heads to the heartland of America on Sunday for the Price Chopper 400 at Kansas Speedway.
This is stop number three in NASCAR's Chase for the Sprint Cup championship, which could very well be a make or break race for the drivers near the bottom of the standings.
Bet the 2009 Price Chopper 400
The drivers bringing up the rear in the chase standings have failed to close ground after two races and they can't afford to let the leaders pull away any farther. So look for them to gamble a bit more with pit strategy to gain track position, as well as fuel mileage.
Jeff Gordon 8/1
It’s time for Gordon to catch up to the leaders and this could be the week for him to do it since he has stated over and over this year how much improved his team is on 1.5-mile tracks. Gordon is the only driver with multiple wins at Kansas and has only finished outside of the top-10 twice, with one of those finishes due to mechanical failure. When you look back this year, Gordon has performed much better on these styles of tracks than he has since the switch to the COT car. We look for him to gain some ground on his teammates this week with a win.
Mark Martin 6/1
Mark Martin and his team are in a groove right now and this could be the year that he finally gets his first championship. Martin has been spectacular all year on this type of track, with his win at Chicago being a perfect example. Martin has won here in the past and with the way he has performed this year on these types of tracks, don't be surprised to see a dominating performance.
Live Longshot
Juan Pablo Montoya 12/1
Juan Pablo Montoya and his team have really come on down the stretch and have stated numerous times that they will need victories to win the championship. The last few races on these types of tracks have been very good for him and if he can just keep those good runs going he will be in victory lane soon.
Mr. NASCAR does NOT do "The Waft!"
Sorry about my recent absence. No sense lying about it - yup, I was locked up again
And yup - Bambi was the cause of it again. Sort of. Indirectly.
I'm not making this up, here's what happened . . .
We was back in Beavertown, visiting with her folks. As I told ya before, Beavertown, Alabama (real name Beaverton) is a strange little hamlet:
"Beavertown is a real life honest-to-God, Mayberry RFD, where everybody knows everybody. I'm talkin small town, one where everyone is close to one another - and 'close' in the south has a whole other meaning than it does up north.
If one Beavertown resident murdered another one they would probably get away with it - CSI would be SOL cuz they all got the same DNA.
It’s got a population of about 200, and 199 of them hate me, cuz I stole their little hometown princess away. The only one who doesn’t hate me is Bambi’s daddy. He don’t actually like me, he just couldn’t care less about nothing one way or another – 'cept for drinking beer and football."
Now, I was X-ageratin' about it a little bit there, but that's the gist of it - it's a small town, deep south, a place where Carny freaks reside during the off season (at least it seems that way to outsiders, normal people - like me.) And the biggest thing in town from September to December is their high school football team - The Beaverton Beavers.
Friday nights, when they have a home game, the whole town turns out. Every game is a sell out and those that can't get in stand outside the fences to watch.
And as I found out, they have their own little unique traditional "cheer" called The Waft.
It started back in '92, when they were playing their hated cross-state rivals from Clayhatchee - The Clayhatchee Crawdads.
The Crawdads had pounded the Beavers eleven straight years, when it looked like the string would be broken in the '92 game.
The Beav were up by two points, had possession, and there was only seven ticks left on the clock.
But, they fumbled and the 'dads recovered.
There was time for one more play and the Crawdads were in chip shot field goal range. Loss number twelve was staring them in the face when legend has it that play-by-play announcer, former Beaver star placekicker Gimpy McFern, had an idea. It was Taco Night at the stadium, and he'd been having terrible gas problems. But now he saw his problem as their savior. When the placeholder called for the ball, Gimpy placed the microphone next to his Farmer Ted bib-overall jeans and let one rip. The holder fumbled the snap but it didn't matter anyway - the kicker laughed so hard he lost his rhythm on the approach, and wouldn't have been able to kick it anyway.
The Beavers recovered the fumbled snap and the streak was broken.
McFern was a hero, in a way that only a small town of inbreds like Beaverton could appreciate.
And so it became a tradition - when the Clayhatchee Crawdads came to town the stadium had 2-for-1 specials on tacos. And whenever the visiting team tried to kick a field goal, the Beaverton coaches didn't call a time-out to ice the kicker, they let the 12th man do his part - the Beavertown faithful did their own version of the Wave. They called it "The Waft."
It started on the North-side 50 yard line, and then, just like the Wave, it progressed through the entire stadium, one row at a time. As the Crawdads lined up for the field goal the fans would turn 180 degrees, and with their back to the field, they'd place their hands on their knees, stick out their butts and in homage to Gimpy they would do their best to let one rip - a true Bronx cheer. Women and children, too. And even though he knew it was coming, it fucked up the kicker's head every time.
I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there, but unfortunately I was. And I was righteously freaked out.
Of course I refused to participate and started running for the exit.
I was singled out as a traitor to the cause, fans started calling me all kinds of names and throwing popcorn and beer at me. I was almost free when a half-eaten taco slapped me upside the head.
It was Go Time.
I did a stage dive into the crowd and was getting the best of four or five of the sodomites before security hauled me away.
They kept me incarcerated for three weeks with no bail set while the Judge was on vacation - in Huntsville. I just got out yesterday.
Last game I will ever attend at Beavertown High.
Her people may be freaks, but I stay with Bambi anyway.
Why?
Check out her icon. You see those things? Next question . . .
Todays picks: I'm riding with Pops, laying $140 on Martin to beat Cheater Boy Gordon and keep the "feel good' story of the NASCAR season alive by staying on top in the points standings.
JG is tough at this track though, so I'm going to buy one other match in case I lose with Martin, taking the kid who rolled 8 times and laughed it off over Fukface Junior, not for any track related resons but just because I hate his guts. Logano $100 to win $110
Wow, that's quite a post
Wow, that's quite a post
Mr. NASCAR comes with some stuff ;D
So damn close but can't get over that hump. :-
Not really a post, it's a cut and paste of my weekly (when not in jail) column.
My editor/pub says it's OK to share with NASCAR fans here (although after reading this latest one he said, "You need to get out more.")
A good year thus far, over more than a dime. Missed race yesterday cuz of football - what the hell happened to the kid? His fault, or do I need to add someone to my "due-for-paybacks, shit-list" ?