In case you missed it, here’s a transcript of the Bulletin Board session that Mr. NASCAR did last week.
If you missed your chance to chat with Mr. NASCAR you can either join us for his next scheduled chat, or consider yourself fortunate.
Begin.
Mmcewan writes:
Mr. NASCAR, how do you handicap the match-ups you play?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
Good question, son, your parents obviously saw the value in pushing you beyond the sixth grade. What I do is I look at each race and isolate the 6-7 guys I think can win it. Then I look for matchups where they are up against guys that are not on my list of top 6-7 drivers.
Or, I just bet on whoever the books match up with Junior cuz he sux.
Mmcewan writes:
Who do you like to win the next race, at Charlotte?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
Hey, what are you - the only hog at the trough? Let someone else ask a question.
Hipwell’s Dad writes:
Why is your car number 34 ½? What the hell kind of number is that?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
34 ½ was my old football jersey number.
When cheerleaders used to ask, “What’s 34 ½?” I would answer, “Half of 69, wanna be the other half?”
It was a great pick up line in high school.
#88 CAR RULES! writes:
Mr. NASCAR, what profession, other than race car driver, would you have liked to try?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
I have never considered another profession. Springsteen was born to run, Steppenwolf was born to be wild, Keith Olbermann was born to be a dick, and Mr. NASCAR was born to race.
#88 CAR RULES writes:
But suppose you couldn’t be a race car driver. Suppose you were born a midget - short, and with those tiny little hands so you couldn’t grip the wheel. Then what profession would you have liked to have tried?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
You’re from Arkansas, ain’t you boy?
They have pedal adjustments for short people. And as long as I had opposable thumbs to grip the steering wheel with it don’t matter none what size my hands would be, I’d still be the best damned driver on the circuit.
PS – And they don’t like to be called midgets. They prefer dwarves, or elves, or some other politically correct damned thing like that.
#88 CAR RULES! Writes:
But what if you were born one of them flipper-boys, with fins instead of hands and feet. Then what profession other than driver would you have liked to try?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
Boy – what the hell is wrong with you? Your brain ain’t working right.
But you’re a persistent little bastard, I’ll give you that. OK, I’ll let you in on a secret – four years ago, I was going to retire from the NASCAR circuit. I was gonna buy a Crispy Crème franchise, but when I spoke to their Director of Franchise Operations he told me a minimum investment of $500,000.00 was required. I told him “If I had a half a million dollars I wouldn’t be getting up at four o’clock in the morning to make friggin donuts, you moron.”
I also briefly considered gynecology, but you can’t restrict your patients to good looking and healthy women only, so the thought of looking at angry beavers all day put me off that idea. Now let somebody else ask a question ya little knucklehead.
Post Pattern writes:
What is your favorite track?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
My favorite track is “Stray Cat Blues,” side two, track three on “Beggars Banquet.” Keith was twanging up a storm on that one, and Mick was at his slut-best: “I can see that you’re fifteen years old, but I don’t want your ID.” Mr. NASCAR can sympathize with that devil, ya know?
Post Pattern writes:
Favorite race track?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
Oh, got you. That would be Saratoga. I love watching the thoroughbreds run in the spring.
Post Pattern writes:
Your favorite NASCAR race track?
Mr. NASCAR writes:
Well clarify son! Mr. NASCAR ain’t psychic ya know.
My favorite track to win at is Daytona, because of the tradition and prestige.
My favorite track to race at is Talladega, because the risk factor is so high it’s a rush.
Mr. NASCAR writes:
That’s all I got time for right now, I gotta run - Mrs. NASCAR's ovulating, and if I get home late she’ll blow a gasket. See you next time.
Keep those cards and letters coming - my secretary loves answering ‘em!
Funny Stuff 😀
Good to see you around Mr Nasacr
That was an enjoyable 3 1/2 minutes ;D