Sorry, I forgot there were some solid NASCAR fans to share stuff with here.
I'll post my last 2-3 races in replies to this, if anyone's interested,
more importantly, I'll get my Michigan picks up ahead of time this week,
in case anyone wants to tail or fade.
And how much did the TNT studio crew suck?
What'd it take them - 10 minutes to announce the reason for that one caution?
I wondered if someone hit the wall and the camera crew forgot to show it.
Hard to find something Kyle is worse at than racing, but there it is.
Anyone else miss FOX coverage?
The return of Mr.NASCAR (& bouncing Bambi)
Mr. NASCAR gets a lot of requests for autographed pictures, and always kindly obliges his many adoring fans.
He also gets a lot of requests for autographed photos of pit crew chief and main squeeze Bambi, but those requests go un-fulfilled cuz I know what you little spank moneys want it for.
But, to satisy the overwhelming demand, I am giving in - sort of.
Me and the Bam' were at a state fair last week, and they had one of them caricature guys drawing people as cartoons. Bambi asked me to let him draw one of Mr. NASCAR, but seeing as how they exaggerate your standout features I had to decline as he wouldn’t have been able to fit my schwantz on one page.
But she posed for one, and I think he captured the essence of her bouncy spirit pretty good, so I converted it to an avatar and added it here (don't splooge on it!)
Now, on to this week's race.
Last time at the track I got a split, winning with Jeff Burton over Kurt Busch, but losing with Ryan Newman. My boy Newman finished fourth, but I still lost.
I picked the # 4 finisher out of 41 guys, only 3 of which finished ahead of me, and I still lost! Ain’t-that-about-a-bitch! Who’d have figured the oldest guy on the track, in the most grueling race of the circuit, would have not gotten tired by the end of 600 miles?? Props to Mark Martin for getting the job done though.
Junior? The little Jackass F’ed up again. He passed hIs pit stop and had to go back – again. Even the usually non-criticizing Darrel Waltrip goofed on him on in the TV booth. And once again he spun out late in the race, after being hit by – no one. He just lost control of his car. He finished 27th – exactly the spot I put him on in my last blog.
If these bookmaker bastards would open up a bit and put him in matchups I’d jump on it – like I am today.
First up – we’re in a night race, and another long one, the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte. It takes patience and fortitude to win a race like this, and I’m going with one of the most patient drivers on the track, same guy I used in the last long race and got a win with – Jeff Burton. And the bookmakers have answered my prayers by pitting him against Junior. JB won at this track last time out, and has finished in the top 6 the last 5 races here. I’m good for $120 to win $100 in this one.
For matchup number two I’m going against Cheater Boy Jeff Gordon. He’s got a good car, and a good chance to win this race, but at only -130 I’ll take Kyle The Kid and lay $130 to win $100. As long his risk-taking style (which Mr. NASCAR greatly appreciates) doesn’t crash him somewhere over the long distance he should be top 5 at the end. I think I’m 1-0 picking spots against Cheater Boy, and he’s eating my rubber (tires, that is) again today.
Record 13-11 $780 to the good side
Paybacks on Pedro!
On to this week's race.
No, wait, let’s talk about last week first.
At Charlotte, Mr. NASCAR not only banked two more winners for his man fans and followers, but did so in the best way possible – by beating both Cheater Boy Gordon (using Kyle the Kid) and Junior (using Jeff Burton.)
Ahhh, good times, good times . . .
This week we hit the concrete at Dover.
This is the only joint on the circuit that has a concrete surface and there is no in-between: drivers either love it or hate it – and most hate it because the surface, configuration and high banking leads to one car spins that take turn into multi-car pileups. And that’s exactly why Mr. NASCAR loves it!
This week’s plays:
In case you didn’t hear, Junior fired his crew chief this week.
Yeah, sure kid, it was your cousin that keeps missing his pit stops making him the embarrassment of the entire circuit. And it was your crew chief that has spun out and greeted the wall, unabated, a few times, too.
Once a sphincter-boy, always a sphincter-boy!
But, with a new chief on board, and NASCAR always looking for new ways to help give him an edge, we’ll take a pass at kicking the little loser’s ass again this week.
Reutimann -135 over Paco, $270 to win $200.
There is only one guy that spun me out and cost me a race this season, one name in my black book – Juan Pablo Montoya.
In March, back at Bristol, Pancho Villa pulled a hissy fit after me and Jamie Mac nudged him out of our way. He tapped us back – no biggie, but Burrito Boy came at us a second time and spun us into the wall.
I have been quietly waiting for my spot to take revenge, and this is it.
Reuty Man is off a lucky win in the rain-shortened event last week, and a little luck by your side is important in a race, especially at a place like Dover. He won the qualifying race on Friday and starts from the pole.
Juan Carlos sucks at Dover, avg. Finish 23, and even worse, he stated this week that his goal for the remainder of the season it to finish in the top 15 each race to stay in the chase for the cup.
TOP 15??!!
A real driver’s goal is to WIN THE FRIGGIN RACE!
Back to the bean fields for this imposter!
Payback’s is a bitch Pedro, and today I am making you mine!
Kyle the Kid +105 over JJ, $100 to win $105.
Let's go for two straight with Kyle, using him against Jimmie J., who has not been able to find his form all year. Kyle had the best car and led the most laps last week and should have won, but he pitted and Reutimann gambled on the rain and didn't pit - and the rain came. Off that bit of bad luck you know the Kid is going to come out guns blazing this week. As long as he practices a little more patience than usual he can win. He has five top 5's in eight races here, and is the defending champ having won this race last year.
(note, edit - the price on Kyle is +105)
Record: 14-11 +$980.00
Off to the Pocono's!
Short blog due to early start:
"All good things to those that wait."
Mr. NASCAR waited 5 weeks to go for paybacks on Juan Pedro Montoya, and his virtue was rewarded when Pedro sucked last week, putting $100 into the Mr. NASCAR Fund.
This week, we're at Poke-a-ho raceway, a boring track and one that Mr. NASCAR would like to see dropped from the circuit. Pocono is known for cheezy, sleazy motels, with champagne-shaped bath tubs and heart-shaped jacuzzi's.
Yes, I've stayed in the motels.
No I wouldn't enter the hot tubs, due to lessons learned in high school science - where do bacteria and germs thrive? In a warm, moist climate.
The thought of thousand of horny honeymooners changing the chemical make-up of the water just creeps me out, and I don't care how many times the maids scrub the damned thing between guests - I still ain't sticking in as much as my little toe!
But back to the race.
I like Smoke, so I'm using him against Cheater Boy.
Tony crashed in practice and is in his back up car, or these odds would have been even higher, but he has plenty of time to get to the front and over take Jeffie.
Tony Stewart -125 over Jeff Gordon, laying $125 to win $100.
I may add one more right before the race.
Check back here right before 9:30 AM EST.
Adding - a "Cain vs Abel play" - taking Kyle -115 over Kurt, laying $115 to win $100.
Record 15-12 +$1080.00
Thanks for the picks MR NASCAR