2015 PGA Preview
By Dan Daly
VegasInsider.com
After the Patriots pulled out an unbelievable win in the Super Bowl on Sunday, I ask Bill Belichick what he thought of the game and he simply said, "We're on to Golf"
So, welcome back to the Weekly Waggle 2015 edition.
I will be with you for the next 30 weeks breaking down everything relevant and more likely irrelevant on and off the course on the PGA Tour.
The 2015 PGA Tour season may have officially started back in September but let’s be honest; was anyone really paying attention until football season was over? I didn’t think so. As far as I’m concerned the 2015 PGA Tour season doesn’t officially kickoff until the week following the Super Bowl. So here are my 18 guaranteed predictions for the “official” 2015 PGA Tour season:
18. Jim Furyk will blow at least one golf tournament this year. Actually…make that two. With zero wins. Ok, ok, so I copied and pasted that one from last year (and the year before that for that matter) but as the great Roy MacAvoy once said, “You ride her ‘til she bucks you…or don't ride at all.”
17. Bubba Watson took his douchebag level to an all-time high in the fall of 2014. First he announced to the world that “The Biebs” is his favorite singer, then he got his wife’s name tattooed on his ring finger before topping it off with some horrible “Bubba Claus” music video. But Bubba wasn’t done there. He tried to raise the bar in 2015 last week with his Brandi Chastain impression at a Putt-Putt of all places. Dude, you won two Green Jackets, act like you’ve been there. Yet somehow, someway Bubba will do something in 2015 that will surpass even those things on the d-bag scale. Oh, and he won’t contend in any majors and will probably win two mediocre Tour events. In case you can’t tell Bubba has officially come in at number one on my least likable athletes in all of sports.
16. Rickie Fowler will FINALLY win another tournament on tour this year, in fact, he will win a major this year. Why? Not because of his swing changes with Butch Harmon, or his incredible run with his putter; but because he will finally dress a little more normal, shave his porn-stache, turn his hat around the right way and most importantly publically break up with his BFF Bubba after the aforementioned incidents leave him no choice.
15. Dustin Johnson will get bored with his comeback attempt on the PGA Tour having to stay clean and sober and by April will retire from professional golf, move to Columbia with his wife Paulina and their kid and make money charging people to see Paulina’s Instagram pictures.
14. Contrary to popular belief, Rory McIllroy will not win the “Rory Slam”, the Grand Slam or pass Jack and Tiger in career majors in 2015 to become the greatest golfer that ever lived. In fact, despite having by far the best odds of anyone to win at least one major in 2015 (8/11), Rory will win exactly Zero majors in 2015. But he will continue to “date” incredibly hot women between the ages of 21-27 and will win three PGA tournaments this year…just not the ones that really matter.
13. Patrick Reed will finish the 2015 PGA tour season having STILL never cracked the top 5 World Rankings, yet will go all Rickie Henderson on us after winning some spare tournament like the Travelers Championship and drop the “Today I am the greatest of all time" line on David Feherty leaving David, and all 489 people watching The Travelers tournament speechless…And he will genuinely believe it.
12. Miguel Angel Jimenez will break every record ever set on the Senior PGA Tour this year and will actually be the greatest of all time. Both on and off the course.
11. Tiger Woods has gone from having arguable the greatest short game in the history of golf to arguably the worst. I’ve never seen anything like it actually. However he will figure it out sooner than later and once he does he will win a Major in 2015, get engaged to Lindsey Vonn, win three other non-majors, chase Dan Jenkins out of a press conference with a 9-iron, and keep a plastic surgeon on permanent retainer.
10. Henrick Stenson/Justin Rose/Jason Day/Matt Kuchar/Jimmy Walker/Martin Kaymer – Will all continue to be very good golfers that will combine to win seven tournaments this year (no majors) between them but do absolutely nothing exciting in the process on or off the course. I mean, unless you consider Matt Kuchar playing mixed doubles with his wife exciting?
9. Sergio Garcia will win the PLAYERS Championship and in a complete state of excitement accidentally admit to punching Tiger Woods in the face and thus the real reason Tiger lost his tooth back in January.
8. Adam Scott will file for divorce citing, ‘having sex with only one beautiful woman at a time is just not acceptable for me.’ He will then immediately pull out the Maxim top 100 issue and start checking them off two to three at a time.
7. FOX will absolutely destroy the US Open coverage. Greg Norman and Joe Buck will make all of you that hated on Johnny Miller beg for him back by Thursday afternoon.
6. Phil Mickelson will continue to be the greatest father and husband this country has ever seen. As a result of focusing ‘all of his time and energy on his family’ he will manage to barely make two of the four cuts in the majors, not finish a single tournament in the top 10 and drop out of the top 30 players in the world. But will continue to drink coffee every morning from his ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ mug.
5. Jordan Spieth will have his break out season by winning a Major, contending in two others and adding three other tournament wins to go with it and claim the Player of the Year award on the PGA Tour. However as an avid Cowboys fan he will get a favorable ruling one week to help him win only to get an equally bad ruling the next week that will cost him a tournament.
4. Masters – Rory will lead through 36 before having an epic Saturday afternoon meltdown and follow that up with a backdoor top-10 on Sunday. Bubba will not be invited to defend because the folks at ANGC don’t take kindly to shirtless men with tattoos on their fingers; and Mickelson’s arthritis will cause him to WD halfway through the second round well above the cut line.
Your winner? Jordan Spieth. With Bubba out of the way this year Jordan will finish what he started last year at Augusta.
3. US Open – Tiger will show signs of getting it together and will hang around but never really contend. Martin Kaymer will play the same golf course as everyone else this year and finish near the middle of the pack. Phil’s career grand slam chances will be an afterthought by Friday and Rory will be right there come Sunday but won’t be able to close it out.
Your winner at Chambers Bay this year? Rickie Fowler. Riding a hot putter and unbelievable iron play Rickie will finally get his second win and first major on the PGA Tour.
2. British Open – The last time the Open Championship was played at St. Andrews Tiger Woods was in the middle of sex therapy and withdrawals. This go around Tiger will be in the middle of his worst slump of his career. But even the great Jack Nicklaus had some pretty brutal stretches late in his career. With six months to get his short game together and returning to his favorite golf course on the planet Tiger will put it all together at least one more time for 72 holes and get major number 15. And if he doesn’t, and he can’t win at St. Andrew’s Tiger is officially done.
1. PGA Championship – Let’s just get right to it. Your winner? Dustin Johnson. Wait, what? Didn’t you just say he would retire from the PGA Tour and move to Columbia? As a matter of fact I did. HOWEVER…I have full faith that his father-in-law will send John Goodman down to clean him up and get him back on his feet just in time to win the PGA Championship at Whistling Straits and totally redeem himself from the screw job he got the last time he should have won a PGA there. At which point he will trump all previous winners by filling the Wannamaker to the brim with Blow and posting a picture of him and Paulina naked on a beach somewhere with the trophy between them and the Hashtag #Itsbeenrealbitches #Imout
19th Hole – Because quite frankly that’s where he is most comfortable…John Patrick Daly will win an official PGA Tour event in 2015. I’m going to get this right one year damnit!